The horror director talks Holliston, Hatchet III, and his future in horror
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED ON FEARNET.COM
Can you feel it in the air? Spring is right around the corner and before you know it, it will be summer. It’s time to start thinking about a quick getaway for you and that special someone. But planning a vacation isn’t always easy; there’s a lot of thought that should go into it. It’s important to know which places have the best sights, the safest areas, and the cheapest rates. At FEARnet, we want to help you make the right decision when choosing your destination, and help save you the money of hiring a travel agent! Here is our list of the places you want to avoid when planning your next trip!
Pripyat, Ukraine—Chernobyl Diaries
What could be more romantic than taking your lady to an area infamous for one of the worst nuclear power plant disasters in history? It may be the radiation in the air, or the lack of happiness and human life, but the area surrounding the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant isn’t exactly the ideal vacation for us—or probably any other sane individual. You never know though, the thought of mutilated fish and ghosts from the residents who died tragically in the explosion just might turn some people on.
Argentina—And Soon the Darkness
If you were two gorgeous American girls traveling in Argentina, you would obviously bring strange men back to your hotel room and sun bathe out in the middle of nowhere, right? I mean, it’s not like anyone is watching you or looking to take advantage of your inexperience and lack of knowledge on the area or anything. Even if you aren’t Amber Heard-status, you should probably be more careful in Argentina, and do not trust local authorities. Only trust Karl Urban. But that should be the motto for any life situation.
If something is really hard to find and a taxi driver practically refuses to take you there, that’s probably a good sign that you should leave it alone. But, most people don’t know how to leave things alone, and you are probably going to head to Mexico in search of some ruins and booze. Just be careful not to follow any new friends to a remote Mayan ruin, where there’s a good chance some evil plants will mess with you until you lose your mind and/or die. Another helpful hint is to learn the Mayan language (whatever it is) so that you can communicate with any villagers that might threaten your life and prevent you from leaving the dangerous piece of land.
Appalachian Mountains—The Descent
Spelunking is dangerous no matter where you are, but there are particular caves in the Appalachian Mountains that are filled with cannibalistic creatures who can function amazingly well in complete darkness. If you are the adventurous type and there’s no stopping you from taking on this claustrophobic cavern, you should at least be prepared with the necessary weapons and gear. Make sure that you choose your companions wisely, and pick the right time of the month. Can you imagine six women stuck underground during their period? The underground humanoids would be the least of your worries.
The Australian Outback, Australia—Wolf Creek
If traveling along the vast and remote countryside with no one around who can really help you sounds like the perfect trip, then the Outback is right for you! Unfortunately, there’s a slight chance that you may run into some bad people who prey on vulnerable backpackers and inflict endless torture on them. Just make sure to avoid Mick Taylor at all costs and NEVER take a ride from him, drink his water, or turn your back on him. We wouldn’t want you to become another head on a stick!
Texas—The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Texas is good for longhorn steak, Friday night football, and the Sawyer family. It’s important to avoid visiting cemeteries where grave robbing has been going on, and to keep away from the Sawyer’s turf. And whatever you do—do not pick up hitchhikers. You will regret it. And if you decide to visit an old family home in the midst of strange occurrences, make sure not to just let yourself into the workspace of Leatherface—he can be very quick to react without thinking. Oh, and you might want to think about wearing an outfit that doesn’t expose your entire back; it makes for easier hook access.
Chile is exotic, beautiful, and it’s full of youthful people who are looking to have a good time, just like you. You’re probably thinking that this is the perfect destination, right? You should probably think again. Their prisons aren’t really that strong, and if an earthquake happens there’s a good chance that it will collapse and unleash blood-thirsty criminals onto the streets. To make matters worse, the only way to distinguish criminals from the regular people are by their tattoos (have fun with that). Along with the horde of criminals, there’s the risk of aftershocks that can cause debris, and much worse—Tsunami’s. Can I get a hell no?
What is it with young people completely losing their inhibitions in a foreign place? It’s like they don’t know that they’re in a horror movie and are the prime targets for dangerous activity (weird, right?). Luckily, you have us to warn you of the dangers of getting drunk and passing out on a beach in Brazil. You won’t get woken up by Giselle; you’ll wake up without all of your belongings and money. This will eventually lead you to wander into the town where it seems as though everyone is in on your robbery and is against you. This will cause you to trust the only person who offers you help, and that can lead you right into the hands of a physician who needs some organs to sell on the black market. Be careful because you might wake up in a tub of ice with a lot more missing than just a kidney.
London, England—American Werewolf in London
Sure London may have Notting Hill and Hugh Grant, but it also secretly houses werewolves who have an affinity for tourists. If you ever stumble upon a quaint pub called “The Slaughtered Lamb” make sure to avoid asking about the five-pointed star hanging up on their wall—they are very sensitive about it. And if for some reason you decide to go backpacking in the middle of the night during a full moon, keep to the road or else you’ll be going through an extremely painful werewolf transformation a few days later, and you’ll probably be haunted by some people you will undoubtedly kill.
Ugh, is sex really all that guys think about? Oh right, they think about weed too. Well, those two things can get you into trouble with a certain association while traveling in Slovakia. You must pay attention to the type of Hostel you check in to—and the beautiful people who seem to be throwing themselves at you for no apparent reason. You know very well that you are not that attractive, and you don’t have any game. It’s all a facade for a much bigger operation, and if you’re an American—you’re prime rib, baby. Some people would pay a lot of money to do some very bad things to you, and certain Hostel’s in Slovakia are willing to take that money and serve you to them on a silver platter.
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