Thursday, January 22, 2015


Horror Royal Rumble Contenders

This Sunday WWE presents the Royal Rumble pay-per-view event in Philadelphia, marking its 28th year and beginning the road to Wrestlemania 31. The event includes a 30-man Royal Rumble match where the winner will go on to wrestle for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship at Wrestlemania.

While many have already predicted who will win this years match (hi Roman Reigns), it's still exciting to see who comes to the ring first, see surprise entrants and superstars from WWE's past, as well as who gets knocked over the front rope the fastest, and who can remain in the ring for a majority of the match.

In honor of the upcoming event I have compiled a list of characters for a Horror Royal Rumble based on their strengths and weaknesses, and what they can offer in a professional wrestling match. Who would you pick in a 30-man Horror Royal Rumble?

The Top 10

Michael Myers (Halloween)

Michael Myers brutally murdered his sister when he was six years old and was institutionalized most of his life until he broke out fifteen years later. Despite his time spent locked up he grew up to be very strong and agile as a young adult. His height and upper body strength would be his advantage in a battle against 30 men, and with bullets and knives (not permitted weapons in the rumble match) unable to take him down, the seemingly indestructible force would be a contender to win the battle, or at least last until there are only three other men left in the ring.

Jason Voorhees (Friday the 13th Part II)

Jason Voorhees died tragically as a boy at summer camp, but that didn't stop him from returning years later to avenge his mother's death. Although Jason has facial deformities and mental disabilities, that does not mean he is weak or stupid. He knows how to pace himself and wait for the right moment to attack, and due to his brute strength he is able to take down anyone easily. He does have a slight advantage over everyone else because he is supernatural, but in a good old fashioned wrestling match his endurance and strength are what will help him stay in the rumble until the very end.

Leatherface (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre)

Leatherface just wants to look pretty and wear people’s faces and if you happen to stumble upon the Sawyer family home, it’s totally your fault for getting in his way. His weapon of choice is his trusted chainsaw and while that isn’t allowed in a traditional rumble match, he can use his upper body strength to powerbomb and body slam his opponents with ease. He’s a little mentally unstable (but, aren’t they all?) and tends to freak out in overwhelming situations, so that could work against him in a battle with 29 other strong contenders. 

Freddy Krueger (A Nightmare on Elm Street)

Freddy Krueger may have molested some of the children in Springwood and was casually burned alive by their vengeful parents, but that wasn’t enough to stop him from living (spiritually) and having a great sense of humor. He isn’t physically strong or big, but he is sneaky and smart. Size doesn’t always matter in a fight and what he lacks in muscle density he makes up for with his quick thinking. He could easily find a way to last in the rumble by allowing everyone else to fight and throw each other out while he remained under the radar throughout the match.

John Nada (They Live)

John Nada shares a striking resemblance with WWE Legend “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, and he knows how to move like him too! Nada is a drifter who marches to the beat of his own drum and defies authority when the time is right. He’s built like a wrestler, he knows how to brawl, and something tells me that he would be very good on the mic too. But mic skills don’t matter in the rumble—wrestling ability, intelligence, and endurance do—and Nada is the epitome of all of those things. When he’s not saving the world from aliens, he could probably win a Horror Character Royal Rumble match. But, he most likely would never receive the WWE World Heavyweight title.

Patrick Bateman (American Psycho)

Patrick Bateman is a metrosexual maniac who really just despises everyone but himself. He’s extremely meticulous, organized and efficient, especially when he wants to murder someone. While he can’t murder anyone in the rumble match, he can use his strong hatred for them as his fuel. He would undoubtedly go to the ring with a plan on how to attack, will have studied all of his possible contenders and their weaknesses, and will have trained like a beast so that he could fight like one. There is no way that Bateman would allow himself to be eliminated--it would be insulting to his character.

Jacob Goodnight (See No Evil)

Jacob Goodnight also resembles a WWE Superstar—Kane—and can use his height and build to his advantage. Jacob can pick individuals up without a problem, can take substantial abuse from others, and he’s good with his hands. While he may not have the endurance of some of the other contenders, his size will make it difficult for others to easily throw him over the top rope.

Ash (Evil Dead, Evil Dead II, Army of Darkness)

Ash Williams isn't always the brightest character and he often makes dumb decisions that get him in to trouble. But, he's human, and human's make mistakes--and then learn from those mistakes. Despite his sporadic stupidity, Ash can be really clever and resourceful (he made a prosthetic hand out of a metal gauntlet, people!). His resourcefulness will keep him on his feet during the rumble match and his ability to overcome evil will help him outlast a lot of his opponents in the match.

Tyrese (The Walking Dead)

Tyrese is a very sensitive individual. He might be hesitant to hurt anyone when he first enters the ring, but once he starts getting hit or hurt, a switch will definitely go off and he will react as though his life depends on it. You won't like Tyrese when he's angry, and for a reason: he can throw a punch. Tyrese is a former NFL player, and his size is a testament to that. When he puts all of his weight into a punch, it will probably feel like you're being hit by a mack truck.

David (The Guest)

David is a soldier who has exceptional talents that can be used to his advantage. He’s not an extremely big guy, but he is lean, strong, and he knows how to fight. His aggressiveness may get him into trouble, but if you compile that with his swiftness he'll have no trouble throwing a few guys out of the ring. He's calculating and very smart, and he will most likely have his game plan mapped out within the first five seconds of being in the ring. David's build and agility would surely allow for some high-flying moves that can result in some epic eliminations on the other men in the ring.

Also in the Horror Royal Rumble Match:

Soo-Hyun (I Saw the Devil)
Dutch (Predator)
Abraham (The Walking Dead)
Dexter Morgan (Dexter)
Severen (Near Dark)
RJ McReady (The Thing)
Otis Driftwood (The Devil’s Rejects)
Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs)
Tex Sawyer (Leatherface)
Billy Ray Snapper (The Devil’s Rejects)
Machete (Machete)
Sex Machine (From Dusk Till Dawn)
Blade (Blade)
Santa Clause (Santa’s Slay)
The Juggernaut (Thirteen Ghosts)
Victor Crowley (Hatchet)
Captain Howdy (Strangeland)
Leslie Vernon (Behind the Mask)
Candyman (Candyman)
John Ryder (The Hitcher)

That's my list of  who I would like to see in a Horror Royal Rumble match. Every character has their own unique strengths--and weakness--that qualify them for the 30-man match. Who would you pick to win?

Tuesday, January 20, 2015


A List of Real Life Killer Couples

February is right around the corner and with the impending Valentine's Day holiday approaching, I couldn't help but think of couples and murder. Some people bring out the worst in each other and when their passion for pain and suffering combine, a hellstorm of destruction ignites and ruins everything in its path. I've decided to take a look back at some of the worst killer duos who have made the world a much scarier and sadder place. Thankfully, these psychopaths have been caught and some have already met their fate, although none are as terrible as the fates that they forced upon their innocent victims.

Karla Homolka and Paul Bernardo

Not everyone in Canada is nice and this killer couple proves that Canadian murderers are just as bad, if not worse, than American murderers. Before meeting his future wife Karla, Paul Bernardo was responsible for multiple sexual assaults of young women in the late 80s. When he and Homolka joined forces his sadistic fantasies became a reality, and the duo committed some of the most heinous acts on young women. Homolka helped Bernardo drug and rape her younger sister, Tammy, and videotaped the entire ordeal. Her sister died but the pair managed to escape prosecution for their crime. Following the murder, Homolka helped Bernardo sexually assault, torture, and murder at least two more young women, videotaping their exploits. The pair was eventually caught and Homolka testified against Bernardo in a plea deal for a reduced prison sentence of just 12 years. Bernardo got life imprisonment but Homolka is living free, happily married with three children while the children she helped kill never got to live their lives and have children of their own. Yay for the justice system.

Fred and Rosemary West

Fred and Rosemary West may look like a normal married couple with a family and a nice house, but behind closed doors the duo was pure evil. For over two decades Fred raped and tortured young women, and with the help of his second wife (Yup, he managed to snag two women in his lifetime), Rosemary, they murdered at least 11 women--including their own daughter. Fred liked to sexually assault his victims--including his daughters--and videotape himself doing so. After police began an investigation into the disappearance of their daughter Heather, they uncovered her remains under the family's patio. This eventually led to the discovery of the Wests' criminal activity over the years. Fred committed suicide before going on trial and Rosemary was sentenced to life in prison.

Sara Aldrete and Adolfo Constanzo

Being in love with someone can make you do stupid things. When Sara Aldrete met and fell in love with Adolfo Constanzo, a drug lord and cult leader in Mexico, she decided that she would do anything for him--even kill. Constanzo was power hungry and he believed that his magic spells helped his drug business flourish. Aldrete became the high priestess in the cult and together they sacrificed individuals for the sake of their livelihood. One human sacrifice included American student Mark Kilroy who disappeared on Spring Break in Mexico. Aldrete helped pick out Kilroy as a sacrifice after talking to him in a bar and learning that he was a med student--with a worthy brain. His abduction brought attention to the duo and their occult activities were eventually uncovered by authorities. At least fifteen mutilated corpses were recovered on the cult's ranch, including Kilroy's. Constanzo killed himself before police could arrest him, leaving Sara Aldrete to fend for herself. As it turned out, Constanzo was gay with a male lover, and had only used Sara for her connections. Sara was convicted and sentenced to 30 years in prison and now knows why love really stinks.

Steven Hayes and Joshua Komisarjevsky

In July 2007 two men broke into a home in Cheshire, Connecticut, resulting in a brutal massacre that caused controversy with the local law enforcement and re-sparked the death penalty debate. Steven Hayes and Joshua Komisarjevsky spotted Jennifer Hawke-Petit and Michaela Petit while shopping and targeted them for robbery. The duo followed the mother and daughter home, waited until it was late, and began their home invasion. Komisarjevsky struck William Petit in the head with a baseball bat as he slept on the couch, and then tied him up in the basement. The men forced Mrs. Petit to make a withdrawal from a bank where she slipped a note to a teller informing her of the situation. While the police took their time responding to the situation, the men raped the women and killed Jennifer Peitit. They then set the house on fire while the two young daughters of the home remained tied up in their beds. Mr. Petit had escaped to safety, but his daughters died in the fire. Both of the assailants were caught, convicted, and sentenced to death for their crimes. The tragedy makes one realize just how vulnerable you are to anyone anywhere--especially in your own home.

Lawrence Bittaker and Roy Norris

When Lawrence Bittaker and Roy Norris met at the California Men's Colony where they had been serving time for their individual crimes, there was an immediate attraction. Although the attraction to one another was not sexual, the pair was drawn to each other over a shared love of sexual violence on women. When the friends were released and reunited on the outside, they were encouraged to carry out their darkest desires together. The pair embarked on a deadly adventure beginning in June of 1979, kidnapping, raping, torturing and killing young women in their van. The pair were eventually dubbed the "Tool Box Killers" because of the tools they often used to inflict pain on their victims. Thankfully, the pair was eventually caught and arrested.

Jessica Carson and Blaine Milam

Not everyone is adept to have children but that does not stop some people from actually having kids. Jessica Carson probably should not have had a child due to her obvious mental instabilities, but when Blaine Milam became a part of her life he encouraged her unstable tendencies by going a long with them. The mental delusions reached a breaking point on December 2, 2008 when the couple murdered Carson's 13 month-old daughter. The pair had believed that Carson's daughter was possessed by demons and needed an exorcism. The exorcism turned bad when the pair bludgeoned the child to death with a hammer in effort to "beat the demons" out of her. The poor child suffered extensive injuries including 18 rib fractures, 24 bite marks all over her body, she had been sexually assaulted, and more. Milam was sentenced to death--rightfully so--and Carson received life imprisonment. The pair may have not been serial killers, but their one crime was evil enough to make the list. One can only hope that Carson is receiving the right punishment from her fellow prison inmates for the awful death of her child.

David Parker Ray and Cindy Hendy

Behind every man is a woman who is just as crazy as he is. David Parker Ray (aka "The Toybox Killer") was an American serial killer who completed all of his terrible acts upon women with a woman named Cindy Hendy. Hendy, a mother of three, abandoned her children to fulfill a life of terror with Ray who is suspected to have killed at least 60 individuals--although no bodies have ever been recovered. Ray had soundproofed a truck trailer, which he used as his torture chamber known as the "toy box." The toy box was filled with  leg spreader bars, sex toys, and a mirror on the ceiling so that his victims could see everything that Ray would do to them. Hendy helped Ray in some of his crimes, including the abduction, torture and rape of Cynthia Vigil. Vigil managed to escape under Hendy's watch and led police to the sadistic individuals. Following the discovery, more women came forward claiming that Ray had raped and tortured them. Ray was sentenced to 224 years in prison but died of a heart attack in 2002.

 Angelo Buono and Kenneth Bianchi

This dangerous family duo terrorized the women of Los Angeles in 1975. The cousins would drive around LA disguised as policemen, picking up unsuspecting women and taking them back home to rape and murder them. Together the pair murdered ten women mostly through strangulation, earning them the name "The Hillside Stranglers." Luckily for authorities, Bianchi was a dumb criminal on his own and when he murdered two women without Buono, police eventually caught on and arrested the pair. Both are serving life sentences.

The sad thing about this list is that it contains only a fraction of the sadistic duos who have been caught for their crimes. There are more killer pairs to add to the list, and that list will continue to grow because there will always be sick people out there who thrive on hurting others. The above criminals are just some of the crimes that have stayed with me due to their disturbing nature--mostly against females. It's a scary world that we live in and it's only getting scarier.

Notable mentions go to Henry Lee Lucas and Otiss Toole, Charles Ng and Leonard Lake, and Gerald and Charlene Gallego.

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